Whenever a married man comes online to complain that his wife is starving him of sex, the internet becomes a courtroom. Some people tell him to endure; others accuse him of being obsessed with sex, while another teeming majority simply advise him to find a side chick.
But if we remove the jokes and personal opinions, the question still remains for the man: what happens when a man enters marriage expecting an active sex life, only to find himself constantly rejected by the woman he married?
When sex becomes a problem in marriage
Of course, no woman owes her husband sex whenever he demands it. Marriage does not remove the need for consent, and women have legitimate reasons for not always being interested in sex.
Pregnancy, childbirth, childcare, work pressure, hormonal changes and emotional issues can all affect sexual desire. Sometimes, a woman loses interest because her husband is not emotionally available, does not help with domestic responsibilities, or pays little attention to her needs outside “the other room”.
However, it is equally unfair to dismiss every man who complains about sexual neglect as an irresponsible husband who thinks only about sex. Right?
For these men, the problem is not just about physical satisfaction. They miss feeling desired by their wives. They miss the intimacy they once enjoyed. They miss being able to initiate affection without anticipating another rejection. Some even miss the act of the woman initiating the sex.
Sit back and imagine a man who works hard to provide for his family and looks forward to spending intimate moments with his wife at night, only to hear her say she is tired almost every time he makes an advance. Days turn into weeks, and weeks sometimes turn into months.
With time, frustration can give way to resentment. He may begin to feel that his sexual needs no longer matter in the marriage.
This does not automatically make him right or his wife wrong. But pretending that the problem does not exist will not make it disappear.
The shocking poll and the reality of infidelity
An anonymous poll that asked married men if they had been denied sex by their wives for three months or more came back with shocking results, with 55% of respondents as of this time, claiming to have experienced it.
Although a social media poll cannot be treated as a scientific representation of all married men, it nonetheless reflects what many men are experiencing in their marriages and provides an opportunity to discuss a subject that many people would rather avoid.
What makes a side chick attractive?
The attraction is not always about sex alone. Sometimes, it is the excitement of meeting someone who makes a man feel wanted again, listens to him, and welcomes his attention.
A man who feels rejected by his wife may find himself drawn to a woman who laughs at his jokes, appreciates his efforts, and appears genuinely excited to see him, and gives him the “that” which he so much desires.
Even though the so-called side-chick might be faking those attentions and putting up with the bedroom skills just for the financial favours she receives from the man, the attention can become an emotional escape from the frustrations of his marriage.
This is one reason the side chick can be difficult to eliminate through public condemnation alone. As economists would say, demand encourages supply, and the existence of women making themselves available as side chicks is simply because there is a need for them. She may represent novelty, excitement, sexual satisfaction, or validation that the man believes he has lost at home.
But still, knowing why a man cheats is not the same as justifying his decisions. This is because many men have loving, sexually active wives and still maintain extramarital affairs. Their cheating behaviour cannot be blamed on sexual deprivation. In cases like this, their decisions to go outside or have a side chick are their own choices, and an unwillingness to honour the commitments they made at the altar.
This is why the argument that wives should simply give their husbands more sex to prevent infidelity might not always hold water. To increase the chances, some women advise going all out to “drain him” every morning just to extinguish that desire. Well, many attest that this might work; it only adds to the daily mundane chores of the woman, and the man can back out, claiming it to be boring.
Does a sexless marriage justify a side chick?
This is where the debate becomes controversial. Some people argue that a man who is persistently denied sex has a reason to seek satisfaction elsewhere, while others insist that no level of sexual frustration can justify cheating.
The truth is that a marriage can have such problems without an affair being the right solution.
When sexual expectations differ more than expected, couples need to discuss the issue honestly. They may need to address unresolved conflicts, share domestic responsibilities more fairly, seek counselling, or find ways to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy.
If one partner is consistently unhappy and the other refuses to acknowledge the problem, they may eventually have to make difficult decisions about the future of their marriage.
What they should not do is assume that secretly introducing another person into the relationship will resolve everything.
An affair can create additional problems involving trust, finances, emotional attachment, and sexual health. The side chick may also become emotionally invested in a man who has no intention of leaving his wife, and with the stories that abound in the news, there is no end to what one can do to get what they so much desire.
In the end, what seemed like an escape may become another complicated relationship to manage.
Why the side chick may never disappear
The uncomfortable truth is that the side chick may never disappear completely. As long as some people seek sexual variety, excitement, escape from sexual denials, or validation outside their marriages, extramarital relationships will continue to exist.
But the persistence of a behaviour does not make it necessary or morally justified.
We should also stop pretending that every unhappy marriage has the same explanation. Some wives are genuinely exhausted or emotionally disconnected. Some husbands neglect their partners and expect sex regardless. Some couples simply have incompatible levels of sexual desire. And some people cheat regardless of how good their marriages are.
Sex is not the only foundation of marriage, but neither is it irrelevant. Fidelity matters, consent matters, and the emotional needs of both partners deserve consideration.
Society can continue to condemn the side chick, but condemnation alone cannot solve every unhappy marriage.
The real challenge is building marriages in which both partners feel respected, desired, and valued, while remaining honest about the commitments they have made to each other.
