Ah, 2012. What a glorious era to be a Nigerian. It was a time when our leaders still had “Goodluck” in their names, and our public figures had actual fire in their bellies.
Remember the “Occupy Nigeria” carnival? Because let’s be honest, it wasn’t just a protest; it was the ultimate Lagos red-carpet event. When the then President Goodluck Jonathan dared to suggest removing fuel subsidy, which would make fuel prices go from 65 Naira to an “unforgivable” 141 Naira per liter, the entire celebrity ecosystem woke up.
The Golden Era of Celebrity Rage
We saw pastors, Nollywood actors and actresses, and stand-up comedians suddenly transformed into seasoned political activists who had so much love for the ordinary Nigerians. They marched, they sang, and they modeled the latest anti-government street fashion.
The Clergy and the Critics: Pastor E.A. Adeboye was giving profound spiritual backing to the masses. No wonder his Redeemed Christian Church of God is widely referred to as the “spiritual arm of the APC government“. Professor Wole Soyinka was unleashing heavy, multi-syllabic grammatical missiles at the Presidency.
The Comedy and Nollywood Brigade: Comedians and actors like Ali Baba, Basketmouth, AY, I Go Dye, Genevieve Nnaji, Omoni Oboli, Funke Akindele, and Rita Dominic were out in full force. They didn’t just tweet; they were physically on the ground at the Gani Fawehinmi Park in Ojota, sharing pure water, leading chants, and holding mic stands like they were hosting the Headies.
Then came 2014, and the heartbreaking tragedy of the Chibok girls’ abduction. Suddenly, the activism went Hollywood. The global elite logged onto Twitter and Instagram to save the day with a hashtag.
We had the #BringBackOurGirls campaign, spearheaded locally by the relentless Oby Ezekwesili and Aisha Yesufu, but quickly adopted by international heavyweights.
The Global Placard Club: Former US First Lady Michelle Obama held up a somber card in the White House. Barack Obama gave passionate speeches. Hillary Clinton tweeted. Angelina Jolie, Anne Hathaway, Madonna, Ellen DeGeneres, Kim Kardashian, Cara Delevingne, and Justin Timberlake all lent their beautiful, airbrushed faces to the struggle.
And who could forget the iconic, heartbreaking, and deeply prophetic climax of that time? Goodluck Jonathan’s wife, Patience Jonathan, weeping on national television:
“Chai! Diaris God o! Continuous… diaris God in everything we are doing! The blood we are sharing in this country… diaris God o!”
We laughed at her English. We made memes out of her tears. But dear readers, Mama Patience was not a comedian. She was a prophet.
Fast Forward to Today: The Deafening Silence
Let us zoom into the present day. Let’s look at the absolute, terrifying mockery of where we are now under President Bola Ahmed Tinubu.
If 141 Naira per liter was a national emergency in 2012, what do we call fuel at 1,250 Naira per liter? What do we call a currency where the Dollar has chased the Naira into an abyss? We have galloping inflation, widespread poverty, families eating once a day, and an economy so heavily indebted that future generations are already born with negative bank balances.
And the security? The heart breaks just typing it. Just look at the horrifying reality: mass abductions of school children have become a regular weekly headline. In Niger State, hundreds of pupils were snatched. And just recently in Oyo State, armed men invaded schools in Oriire, abducting dozens of pupils and teachers, culminating in the horrific, barbaric online video of a mathematics teacher, Michael Oyedokun, being beheaded.
School children as young as 3 to 16 years old in the hands of babarians in the forest for 2 weeks, a teacher. Beheaded for the crime of going to work to teach children math, and the nation is silent!
The President, Tinubu, and his APC cohorts are busy planning how to win the next election, the local celebrities – and pastors are silent, even the spiritual leaders of other major churches, including Mbaka and other Bishops of the Catholic Church, cannot call for a peaceful march (and let it be that it was denied by a higher authority).
The people themselves have been so desensitized by the constant news of kidnappings and killings that it doesn’t move them. I so much wish they could see the carnage and numbers in real life, not these blurred-out photos, so they can better understand the horror.
The foreign celebrities are no longer protesting for the release of these little kids and a lasting end to the crisis.
A Few Respectful Questions for the Class of 2012:
Pastor Adeboye & Professor Soyinka: Sirs, why are you so incredibly quiet? Are your voices locked behind a subsidy wall? Has the heavy vocabulary deserted our Nobel Laureate, or is the current economic ruin too complex for English?
The Comedians and Actors: To all our beloved actors and comedians who practically lived at the protest grounds in 2012, are you guys now dumb and blind? Are your legs tied to some endorsement deals? If 141 Naira fuel made you lose your mind, why is almost 1,300 Naira fuel making you so much at peace? Did the fuel hike of today come with a free bottle of “mind your business”? I really need to know.
The Foreign Celebrities & The Obamas: Hey Michelle, Barack, Kim, Angelina… we have a whole new collection of kidnapped school children over here. A teacher was literally just decapitated. Where are the crisp white cards? Where are the hashtags? Or does international outrage only apply when the president in power doesn’t fit a certain political alignment, as claimed?
President Bola Ahmed Tinubu: Your Excellency, what exactly are you doing? Let’s trace it back to when you were behind protests against Jonathan’s economy. You walked the streets, calling the previous government incompetent. Yet, you have dragged the nation into a sorry, broke, and insecure state with no evidence of genuine infrastructural growth to match the trillions you have borrowed so far.
The Folly of it All
The ultimate punchline of this long, dark Nigerian comedy is the sheer, unadulterated folly of our collective elite.
Back then, activism was a stepping stone, a fashion statement, a way to look woke on the global stage, or a tool to install the next regime. Now that the house is completely on fire, everyone has suddenly developed “selective amnesia” and “acute laryngitis.”
The comedians have lost their satirical edge, the pastors are telling everyone to just “pray harder” while buying their fourth private jet to bypass the hungry masses entirely, and the politicians who funded the 2012 chaos are now sitting in Abuja, sipping imported drinks, wondering why the citizens are complaining about an empty stomach.
Mama Patience Jonathan was right. Diaris God o. And right now, He is probably looking down at Nigeria, shaking His head at the pure, hypocritical theatricality of it all.
What do you think about the sudden disappearance of our celebrity activists? Let me know in the comments below, that is, if you haven’t sold your phone to eat.
