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‘Ambulance’: Arrived Dead


This could be the most irritating film ever made.

It’s without a doubt one of the worst.

Michael Bay may have cornered the market on high-octane garbage (see his ever-more sad run of noisy, soulless “Transformer” epics, not to mention 2019’s similarly terrible “6 Underground”), but this one plumbs hitherto uncharted levels of horror.

The English language, which is blessed with such a diverse and colorful array of adjectives and adverbs, is insufficient to accurately describe how terrible this picture is.

Chris Fedak’s utterly incomprehensible “script” lacks all credibility, and his dialogue is as limp as a dead banana. The one-dimensional performance runs from ludicrously stoic to over-the-top, foaming-at-the-mouth madness, notably Garret Dillahunt’s somnambulant, I’ve-wandered-in-from-another-movie depiction of LAPD tactical SIS Capt. Monroe.

Roberto De Angelis’ cinematography heavily relies on swooping, swooshing, barrel-roll, upside-down, skyscraper-hugging drone shots, all of which are assembled and cut at breakneck speed by a team of editors — Doug Brandt, Pietro Scalia, and Calvin Wimmer — who clearly laced their morning coffee with meth.

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